Broken Down, Sick, and Tired

I am Just tired of going to school and coming home and acting like everything is alright in my world. I am tired of repressing the present and what's going on like it's some kind of dream or really some kind of nightmare. The reality of things are that everything can't be great all of the time.. But my family makes me feel like I have NO CHOICE but to be the "good kid". The kid that does what IT is told and doesn't step out of line but keeps the parents guessing still with interest.I am NOT one of those "oh look at me I'm going to be all upset and such" teens. I don't look forward to being kind of cliche and saying that I am tired of being sad, being tired, being sick, being depressed, being angry, and crying. I hate crying. And I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about any of this without crying my heart out. 
With me, I might fail my 10th grade year because I have  been stressed out this entire year over what's been going on in my household. I can't concentrate in school and that causes me to block out everything I want to try and learn cause my mind can't really take anymore stuff coming in, thta it also needs to send things out too. And lately that hasn't been going on.
My body is so broken. I feel like it is just wasting away. I don't want to hardly get up anymore in the mornings and I am useually a great morning person, all happy and what-not. But lately I haven't been myself. I constantly want to give up on doing things i normally do. It's not that I am becomming lazy, but in a way I'm becomming less willing and wanting.
I'm just so sick. I have been getting really bad stomach aches and headaches. Not to mention the suprising cramps of my legs arms sides and period cramps. I hurt all over. And I don't want to, or I don't look forwards to ever complain. I don't want to start fights I don't even want to think of the word fight. I just want to not be disturbed really.
The last thing I really want to do is release all of this (what I just typed) out to my mom cause truthfully with all of teh shit my brother sister and faher have been causeing lately I don't to stress her out even more then she already is and make her sad. I just tell her I need some kind of stress reliever or medicine and I'm on my way back to realtiy.

sorry for the long enrty again. toodles.

Just Let Your Body Go...

Hmmmm So basically I suddenly felt like getting on my xanga once again. I don't know why I had this sudden stroke of needing to type things up.

This Whole High School Sophomore year sucked. Not matter what anyone else says to try and change my mind or argue with me about it, but it's just my opinion.
People change way too often to keep up. It's kinda like a race and you're trying to stay on your guard and be one step or a few steps further then anyone else just so that you can be prepared.
Things happen that you can't control and you should try to control them. That's what I've been told and what I have found out myself. There are also people out there may it be friends family or strangers you can't change them either, you can try but all your doing is pushing and the other force is pushing twice as hard.
The worse thing I've learned to do in this situation is repress your mind, opinions, and emotions from everyone else. You can't try and hide from everything cause it won't shield you in the end.
One discission can make you or break you in a heart beat. It is all unpredictable. Just don't think twice.

I might be moving schools next year cause it seems there is not much left at Birdville for me to figure out/explore. No matter what other's opinions are, this is not my way of running away and trying to start a new slate or something. I just want to figure more things out for myself is all. This is a big discission for me and I DO need to take a whole lot of time to think about all of this. So none of it is official yet.

It's taken me a long time for who I am to realize that you can't change people and people are who  they are. But you should be yourself around everybody. No matter who you are around. But if you see someone being exclusive and shy don't call them out in a negative way and say things like "stop being stupid and talk", be sensitive and take in who THEY are and motion them to join a conversation with you or etc.
And you should refrain from trying to call people out on their bullshit or if you do it often because people will begining to perceive you as a "bitch" or unreliable.
And try not to have different personalities around different groups of people. Stick to being yourself. Don't live up to what people say or what people think of you. Don't jump to conclusions about others before you know who they are in different ways.

Too much time is wasted nowadays on negative actions. We don't need more bullshit. People just don't need bullshit. Think before you act and somehow you can't always do what you THINK is right, do what you KNOW is right and make things right in the end.

So basically, I have been freezing my ass off in ths freaking room....bur

I don't have a part in the youth service anymore, thank god. I would have gotten all tounge tied and all of that. School has been hell.

"Code plaid" is one hell of a sexy somthing still.....I hate being young!!!

I am having fun for the first time in a while

So  am sitting here with two really cool kids rolling around on my bed. I am finally updating this thing =D. So My Thanksgiving Break has only really consisted of going to the mall and the movies and parks around town and such. I love it. Bobby drove everywhere. Saturday we kept locking Bobby out of his car. lol it was lots of fun. That same night we went to Proctor's birthday bash. We played a hXc tag. Yes...it was hXc....yeeaaaahhh anywho....

We payed Proctor a visit at the mall. He got a chocolate witch that costed like a bazillion dollars and a huge birthday card. He liked it. We all got Sonic for lunch. Bobby was a seagull and kept eating after everybody lol.

Krystal stayed the night over my house Saturday night. Whoop it was fun.

...Bobby has three black dots on his face and they are bugging me righ now....

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and have alot of cooking to do in my near funture.

I am hanging out with Krystal and Bobby and some kid named Jon on Friday....[maybe jon]....maaayyybe..............

And I am Talking to Jake over AIM for the first time in a while.

Chaos almost bit Krystal's arm off......that dog is so cute/crazzzzy.

lol I am about to slap a funky look off of Bobby's face...oh wait...his face always looks that funky LOL.

*Bobby licks his hand and sticks it on Krystal*

*Brooke breaks it up*

 *Chaos bites Krystal*

*Bobby tries to makeput with my dog)*

Well I love...you all?

<3Brooke-Krystal-Bobby

Currently Listening Decomposer By The Matches Papercut Skin see related

CHAOS!!!!!!!!!!

So yea I am finally updating...FINALLY!!!!

I had the best get together for my upcomming b-day ever!!!! I took Kaia to Cutting Edge with me. I hope/think she had fun.The we switchewd the night around from being the people who got scared to being the people who did the scaring. We voluteered at CHAOS. We were victims of Jack the ripper So we were basically prostitutes.....basically. We stopped at Jack in the crack afterwards. They didn't gave Jenny her boo bucket, my pickles were hidding in Jenny's buns b/c the liked it there, kaia at my food scraps....silly silly girl.

Right now I am over her house. She is in the shower. I am on the computer. Well I am gonna go now,

<3

~*Brookie-Cookie*~